Sustainability in a Spiritual Drought
A few days ago, I went for a run - forgetting my headphones and free of distractions, I thought I’d get quiet with myself and focused on my movements. Running brings me into this sort of meditative state, a simple bilateral movement to clear the cobwebs and return to daily life refreshed, clearer about my intentions and revitalized for the day. Because of the weather, I started indoors on a treadmill - one, two, three minutes ticked off, I couldn’t stop watching the clock. My usual conditioning distance is 3-4 miles, but listening to my feet pounding on the rotary belt while staring at a blank screen, I made it a half-mile before giving up.
So I took off in Truth or Consequences - head full of noise kicking up dust in the hot summer air. I ran up the hill on the right side, and coming back it was the left side: a lesson in perspective both literal and figurative. One direction yielded certain images and thoughts filtering through my mind, the other entirely different. It is one 4 mile stretch of road through the same small town in New Mexico, but I was able to run 8 times farther in the open air, observing life moving around me, becoming part of it.
I was 36 before I started MAVEN, which was the first moment in my life I started thinking about myself as a business. In truth, each individual (and household) is a business with a budget having inputs and outputs, but I had never considered this before starting one of my own. The shift is significant - thinking about how to cut costs (“overhead” in business-speak), maximize profits, and set myself up for long-term stability amidst unpredictable external circumstances. It was also the first time I started thinking about myself as an employer as well as an employee, which has made every decision in my personal and professional life more complex while working alongside others in the corporate world.
The changes I decided to make may not be the same you would choose, but have evolved over time and were most practical given my conditions and available resources. The short answer is none of it has been easy, and all of it has taken significant time and self-control, including continued investments in my ongoing education and spiritual growth.
The journey looked something like this: since I was 18 I have periodically lived in credit card debt and cyclically abusive relationships rooted in shame and control, then escaped during binges with alcohol, sex, and social media. My experiences with disastrous consequences including the loss of almost everything and everyone I love could not, would not break me from falling back into these familiar patterns - it has been by God’s grace alone through knowing Jesus Christ (my way: take it or leave it) that I have been saved from utter destruction.
Here’s what I’ve learned: no one knows what the future holds. I’ve been screaming out loud at God lately to give me some peace in knowing, but any person (on Wall Street, or otherwise) who promises differently is a f**king liar. Knowing Truth - God’s Truth (that is the singular, ALL POWERFUL, not of this world, but above all people, cultures, and religions), is seeking Him even in, and especially during times of uncertainty. I have found the most sustainable choices for me as an individual (and as a start-up business in a volatile economy) involve avoiding over-consumption. If I eat too much, I gain weight (with other potential health complications over time). If I source all my products from a single supplier, I become reliant on their productivity and hostage to variations in their cost. If I spend more than I make, I go into debt. In a very simple way, what is true for me as an individual has been true for my tiny business - good inputs equal good outputs.
So for me, sustainability is a frame of mind, a firm foundation from which incremental growth and improvements may be made. It involves considering the vastness of God’s creation and being a gracious steward of its limitations. When offered a meal from a humble stranger, I’m honored to share and grateful for each bite, taking notice of the sun and soil and hands that have prepared a plate for me. I understand my role is to share rather than seize limited resources, to honor those who came before and will follow for generations afterwards. I welcome others at my table, set a place for you and listen because this is how we honor each other - with time and tolerance to learn each other’s way. It was only in losing everything I thought I wanted that I found God, and only there may peace be with you.
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